Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Writing Styles

You know, I was looking over some of my older posts and I have to say...I used to be a lot more interesting...and more humorous. I'm kinda scratching my head!

I think some of the interest has to do with the uber-long winter we have had. Quite frankly, there just isn't that much of interest that goes on around here in the winter. Looking at pictures from last spring though....really makes me wish spring would hurry up and get here.

I'm going to let the cat out of the bag though, since I have made it two weeks now...I quit smoking. Yea, after 20 years. The last day I went and bought a pack of cigarettes the price had jumped 75 cents a pack, overnight. That pissed me off, because the price just jumped a $1 a pack less than 6 months ago.

The economy is in the toilet, so where are the states and the government going to make up lost revenue? Well, duh...let's tax alcohol and tobacco more. After all, they are luxury items and not really good for your health, so fewer people are going to complain about the price hike right? Yeaaaaa, except the worse the economy, the more people pick up bad habits, like drinking and smoking, so they are a guaranteed tax revenue.

So I took myself out of the loop. It sucks! I hate it! I miss my cigarettes. They were my thinking tool. They were my take 5 crutch. There were few things that I enjoyed as much as getting to a really good spot on a colt and stopping to light a cigarette. It gave us both time to take a breather. To think. To relax.

If ever I was trying to write and got stuck, lighting a cigarette and taking that couple of minutes to wrap my mind around what I wanted to say, usually did the trick.

Now? Well, more times than not, I start a post and walk away when things won't come together in my head. I have to stay busy. Moments of idleness find me thinking about lighting a cigarette. So my house is a tad cleaner, I finished a cross-stitching project that I started a few years ago and...

I find it difficult to sit down and cruize the blogs the way I used to. Comments don't come the way they used to. My brain just don't think the way it used to.

I wished I could handle being able to sit down with a cup of coffee and a cigarette(or two or three) and do my blogging and other important thinking stuff in the morning, the way I used too, but it doesn't work that way. Either I smoke or I don't. Same as anyone with any addiction.

Tonight, I went and had a beer with Chris at the bar. If I thought I might weaken and start smoking again, that got the ki-bosh put on...tomorrow, the price of cigarettes goes up another 68 cents a pack. Nope, the government can count me out when it comes to taking my money to help bail everyone else out.

Soooo....long story short...I hope you all bear with me until my brain learns how to work again, sans the nicotine breaks. Grrrr-morning coffee just isn't the same.

20 comments:

cdncowgirl said...

Way to go! I've never been a smoker myself but both my parents were. They've both quit and restarted more times than I can count. Dad's kidney transplant finally gave him the incentive to stick with it. Currently mom is not smoking (but her sis is coming for a visit so we'll see)
I think of quiting smoking the same way as kicking any other habit (for me it would be to lose weight). Only you can do it and only when you are ready to.
Good luck and don't worry you'll find your smoke-free mojo :)

cdncowgirl said...

ps - saw your comment on my blog... I was that kind of naked today too. Went to work with a t-shirt and a "sweater" (long sleeve but made of t-shirt material) and *gasp* left my coat in the truck!!!

Mikey said...

Good for you girl!! Big pat on the back from the still smoking here in AZ. But I'm like you, the price is pissing me off and I'm trying to quit somethin fierce. My hat's off to you for actually doing it. Stay strong and don't go back. You're way better off!

City girl turned Country Girl said...

That's great for you!!! I was a dedicated smoker for 12 years...But I kicked them and it will be 3 years smoke free this May!! I do miss them sometimes but I don't get sick as often as I used to so that's good fuel for me LOL!!

Leah Fry said...

I was a heavy smoker for a very long time. I once quit for 9 years and started again. I finally quit 23 years ago for good and I have to be honest: it was the hardest thing I have ever done. Some words of wisdom/advice:

Cravings go away whether you succumb to them or not. Hang in there — it will pass.

That said, don't be at all surprised when 6 months, a year, 10 years from now, every once in awhile, you still get them, because you will. Eventually, the craving is there and gone in a moment.

You may gain some weight, maybe not. If you do, don't freak out. You can only deal with one thing at a time.

You may actually feel worse for awhile, but that will also pass quickly. When you are able, concentrate on breathing deeply to help your lungs recover and become stronger.

Don't give up.

kdwhorses said...

Way to go girl! You keep it up, you can do it! I'm proud of ya! Just think all the money you will save can go to other things, horsey things maybe, paints for your crafts, etc! Ya!

I too read others blogs and think man, mine is boring. But I just roll with it, it's me!

Laura said...

Good for you! It must be hard though - hopefully it will get easier as the months go by and your brain starts helping you out!

I've never smoked - grew up with my Dad smoking like a chimney - lots of incentive for me to never pick up a cigarette.

Andrea said...

Way to go, girl!! I know it's not easy. But you can do it!! Louisiana is putting on some extra taxes on to the load too. Or that is what I heard. I have never been a smoker, my lungs are bad enough as it is without smoking, I have bad asthma. But I believe you can do it!! When spring hits and you are outside all the time, you will soon be too busy messing with all your horses to even remember about those cigarettes!! You can do it!!

Da Mouse said...

Hey, congratulations. I know this is a huge mile stone, but it is crossable.

I've never smoked either, so I have no idea what you're going through. But, I wanted to share something kind of funny that may help. Your last sentence reminded me of a commercial about quitting smoking where everybody had to relearn how to do every day things without a cigarette. My favorite one was the guy learning to drink coffee again. He ended up with a coffee soaked shirt and a face splattered with creamer. (It was the tall goofy looking guy from the show 10 Items or Less on TBS--for mental image).

lol. Having a TV addiction might be just as bad.

Tammy said...

I quit smoking in 1998. I blogged about it last November. Here's the link, if it will help:
http://horsetrailriders.blogspot.com/2008/11/health-related.html

My husband still smokes & although I promised not to nag when I quit, the price is now something to nag about. He spends 1/2 of what I spend on my horses each month on cigarettes! Those $$ could go better places. The health reasons to quit are obvious.

I always said Day 1 - 3 was PURE hell. And month one was the next thing to it. But by month 2 & 3, it started getting easier. I still miss it sometimes, but love that I smell good and feel better!

When I would sit at my desk & get the cravings, I would run the stairs. I found it wasn't so much nicotine I needed as a heart rate increase. That helped, too.

On another subject, my humor has waned this winter, too. But the nicer weather has helped my attitude.

Good luck!!! You can do it!

Alex said...

Way to go! I'm sure its tough- but you are tougher! Never was a smoker myself, so I can't understand...but i can symapthize... I'm sure you settle into some new routines eventually, your daughter must be so proud!

Stephanie said...

Good job - I have never smoked, but have had to quick other habits I was attached to. Yeah it sucks. You have a right to be in a bad mood - but I am glad that you quit in the long run your lungs will thank you too.

Nuzzling Muzzles said...

I'm backing you on quitting. You know... my husband uses the toilet as his thinking cap. I hate it because he spends hours in there doing nothing but sitting and thinking, however it's better than using substances to help kick the brain into gear. I admit to drinking coffee and popping Ginkgo in the mornings, and still I can't think.

sue said...

not ever having smoked, I am probably the LAST person qualified to make a comment on it... because I have NO idea what it is like to "quit"... that being said, though, I admire your will power and the effort to do it... hang in there, it has to get better!!! and I ALWAYS enjoy your blog.. they are great......

Adventures of a Horse Crazed Mind said...

YAYAYAYAAYAY!!!!! I am SOOOOOO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!! THAT IS FREAKIN' AWESOME!!!!! I wish I were there to give you a big hug and a pat on the back!! (wanna smack me yet? I wont blame you if you do! lol)

Seriously... I wont get all preachy on you but I just cant say enough how awesome (I think) of a step this is and how much I respect that you were able to stick with it for this long! It must be SO hard, I cant imagine. Dont worry about your mojo! It WILL come back! I promise. Right now your brain is just to occupied with its cravings. Good luck and stick with it!

C.

Dena said...

BEC
I made it 11 days. And caved. And I asked myself why I caved?
Because, I promise you it takes almost a pack for them to taste the way you remember.
There is always going to be another BAD day. Does it have to be an excuse to do something bad to yourself?
I have lost 2 parents to cancer.
I think it is time for me to take control of my life again.
Because, not unlike what you said, I will never be one of those people who can have just a few.
I have fought worse addictions in my life.
I can do this too.
I loved what you said about the bail out money.
Thank you... I think that will play a part in my new motivation as well.
Hang Tough. I will even join you there.
11:59PM Tonight. I can stop being a fool on Fools Day.
Thank you a lot for sharing this.
I remember my son sitting on his Grandmas hospital bed saying, "But Grandma Max why did you smoke those cigarettes when you knew they were going to kill you"?
I really don't want him sitting on mine saying the same.

ezra_pandora said...

I don't know if someone else said it or not, but reward yourself. It will be a HUGE incentive. Bail yourself out instead of 1/2 of America. Think of how many packs of smokes you bought a week and put that money aside and do something you've been wanting to do. Hubby has smoked for over 30 years and is trying to stop now. I stopped the end of last summer. Only have had maybe 2 or 3 since then. He has tried a few times, but this time he's trying extra hard because of the $6 a pack price. And with both of us smoking, it was like a pack and 1/2 a day, he was one pack alone. That adds up purty darn quick.

You can do it though. I know it's the little things that set you off. I would say suck on hard candy or chew gum, but we all know it's not the same. You will find your new habit to get over that one and hopefully it's not bad for your health :))

BrownEyed Cowgirls said...

Thank you all for the support. I think I am over the worst of the cravings. Jerky and gummy worms were my constant companions for the first week. But I don't want to trade one habit for another.

I'm not so much worried about any weight gain. Chris is actually hoping I put on a few pounds-don't ya just have to love a guy who perfers ya with a little padding? Bless his heart.
The up side to quitting smoking is that I can now drink as much Green Tea as I want. I love the stuff. I make iced tea out of it and drink it hot in the evenings. It makes me lose weight like crazy though, so I've always had to limit my intake of it. Now I can guzzle pitcher after pitcher-Yayyy me-LOL.

I've already been saving for rodeo entry fees...guess the saved money from the smokes will mean I can just make it to that many more rodeos. Moon is not going to be happy about that.;) I guess Sandy will have to pick up his slack. Yayyy me again-wow, I never realized this would be a win-win situation.

Equine Dentist coming tomorrow-got a full day of teeth lined up for him, the 4-H Horse Safety Mtg and Megan's music concert that has been postponed twice, due to the blizzards. Full, full day!!

Pony Girl said...

BEC, I'm so proud of you! I am not a smoker, but I have watched others struggle with quitting and I know it's a rocky road sometimes.
Your posts are always good my dear...always insightful and truthful and interesting to me....you have a great life!

C-ingspots said...

Good job! I smoked between a pack and a pack and a half for about 25 or more years. I too, loved my smokes. Used to smoke Marlboro 100's, then switched to B&H 100's. I quit for 2-1/2 years and started again. This time, I picked clove cigarettes - oh my!! Loved those!! Smoked again for about 3 years and quit again. It's been over 3, maybe even 4 years now. First time it was a piece of cake - I just decided to quit, so I did. Second time around, it was harder. Not sure why, but it was. There are no gimmicks, but Leah had some good advice, I think. You're right, a few smokes and a couple of cups of coffee in the morning - not much better. I also liked a smoke break to mull over something - good or bad - it did seem to help the thinking process. Having said that, the benefits of quitting have far outweighed the enjoyment or pleasures of smoking. Right now, and for a while, it will just suck. But, it will pass...different things work for different people. Just don't cave - my motto was "never take that first smoke". If you do, you're right back to square one. I found taking deep breaths to be beneficial; and that other gal's advice about getting the heartrate up does make sense. Try that one out. My hubby still smokes and he coughs badly, especially in the morning. Wish he had what it takes to quit, but he's also an alcoholic and I can't make his choices for him. Good for you though...I'll be rooting for you.
What is it about the green tea that makes you lose weight? Maybe I should give that a try, I need to lose some weight and that's a hard one for me. Good luck!!